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Why obsess about negative stuff all the time−
how I got us in deep with my overhyped crime−
when, in plenty of ways, our disgrace is sublime?

To begin with, since God kicked us out with no pardon,
we haven’t been getting those blisters that harden
if, six days a week, you’ve been pruning His garden.

Another great thing about not living there:
low humidity! None of that rainforest air!
From sunrise to sunset, we’ve both got good hair.

And be honest, what red-blooded pair wouldn’t choose,
after paying their buck-naked, barefooted dues,
to wear some nice outfits and (OMG) shoes?

And who wouldn’t like privacy? Certainly Eden
was perfect for walking or scattering seed in,
but, man, I felt watched when it came time for breedin’.

Best of all, there’s the food. Our new diet’s a beaut
(even though, I’ll admit, it can make a gal toot).
Hello, lox and brisket; so long, boring fruit.