To read the latest issue, click 'Issues by year' in the menu above

It’s mandatory.
It’s the event, thankfully, we didn’t pay for.
We realise an exoskeleton would have been more useful.
Our dislike for pears or giant squid.
We discover the difference between a peccadillo and a major offence,
when we committed one assuming it was the other.
Not yet long in the tooth
we take too long in the bathroom;
short on wisdom,
we know this comes with special teeth, later.
Parents threaten to sell us,
which just makes us giggle more.
You’d think we were a different species,
judging by what you find in our pockets
and fittingly our artwork is appreciated –
depending on where it is.
A talent for the trumpet is followed up
with a mute for Christmas.
We progress slowly from ‘why’ to ‘why should I?’,
from ‘how’ to ‘how much can I have?’
With hindsight we’re glad we didn’t cash it in.
Maturity, on the other hand, is optional.