L. A. Mereoie: Bête Noire
How do I hate you? Let me count the ways,
Black slug, who feasts on foliage I feed
And fouls with slime like sticky silver glaze
The hollyhocks whose leaves you’ve filigreed.
My hate takes form as rolls of copper tape,
As beer-traps, salt, (not blue metaldehyde)
And, in my dreams, tongs grasp your loathsome shape
To tee it up for gastropodicide!
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John S. Eustis: Submission
They said they'd put this on a bus,
so forswear violence, do not cuss,
stay well away from politics,
religion, sex—and also nix
on anything that might offend.
If possible, please just pretend
to hold to views with broad support,
and don't forget to keep it short.
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Don Nigroni: Metal Detecting
I heard a loud beep, beep, beep, beep.
I dug down really deep and steep.
I felt it must be awfully old.
I thought it might be shiny gold.
But I was such a silly sap
and it was just a bottle cap.
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Russel Winick: New Friend
How wonderful it is to meet
A person who agrees with you,
Shares standards that you deem elite,
Along with values you pursue.
A soul with whom your passions blend,
The consonance could not be clearer,
And who’s looking for a friend,
Too bad they’re only in the mirror.
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Wendy Videlock: About the Inter Webs
It could be said
nuance
is dead,
irony’s
on oxygen,
satire
is redundant,
but
the pun
soldiers on.
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Julia Griffin: Knit, Fit, Slit
Clotho and Stretcho and Snippo,
The ladies who let you your lot,
Sit deep in Eternity’s depot,
A-working the warp of what’s what,
With never a pause or da capo,
Till you get what you’re set to have got
From Clotho and Stretcho and Snippo,
The ladies who let you your lot.
Damian Balassone: Rhymer’s Lament
I spent my middle years repaying debt
accumulated from a losing bet
that I had placed in my moronic youth:
I waged that rhyme would lead me to the truth.
I am old now with nothing left to pay,
but, oh God, how I rhymed my youth away.
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Pat D’Amico: A Hex And A Pox
I’m sending a hex and a pox
From my head right down to my sox.
I am sick of the email swill
Received daily against my will.
So why won’t the powers that be
Look out for the likes of me
And levy disdain and damnation
On the sellers of my information?
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Tony Peyser :When Amazon Gets Uppity
“You bought this novel on May 6, 2015.
However, it seems you haven’t read
A word of it. It’s just gathering dust on
That table that’s next to your bed.
We’re sending another personalized list
Because you’re clearly needing
Suggestions of a few other books which
You may also enjoy not reading.”
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Alex Steelsmith: Anticipation
Tommy fetched his plastic pail,
and with an earnest look, he put
it near his Grandpa’s chair and said,
“I beg you, strike it with your foot
as Mommy always promises,
we’ll see Bermuda, Greece, Nantucket,
and so much more – she keeps a list –
as soon as Grandpa kicks the bucket.”
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Henry Stimpson: To the Ever Given
Ever Given,
You’re forgiven.
It’s not your fault,
Just your gestalt,
That you got stuck
in Suez muck.