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An Ivy-League graduate student designed
A project. His Summary Abstract outlined
Statistical research on “Mortality –
Its Long-Term Effects On Humanity.”
The rubrics said nothing would be left to chance,
And soon it was funded by government grants.

The money was spent on a series of polls
And interviews under the strictest controls
In places like Rio, Las Vegas, Jakarta,
Tahiti, Manhattan, and Puerto Vallarta.
The grant funding covered the cost of the trips.
The student paid nothing, except for the tips.

His schedule required him to stop off in Rome,
Geneva, and Paris before flying home.
His peer-reviewed paper brought praise and acclaim.
The Nobel Committee considered his name.
His thesis was simple, his proof was air-tight.
His facts beyond question, so . . . what did he write?

His research concluded, and helped clarify,
That one out of every one person will die.