To read the latest issue, click 'Issues by year' in the menu above

The party is over, and morning is here.
My breath is a mixture of whiskey and beer.
My stomach produces an ominous rumble,
I head for the loo with a groan and a grumble.

My eyeballs are bloodshot, my tonsils are raw,
There’s an unpleasant stain on the living room floor.
An interesting odour suffuses the kitchen,
A mixture of fags and a half eaten chicken.

Responsible drinking was not on the list,
Temptation it seems was too strong to resist.
Now my head’s started throbbing my blood pressure’s higher,
My mouth has gone dry and my gullet’s on fire.

I start to feel nauseous start to feel grim.
With my head in the bowl and my hands on the rim.
How on earth did I get in this horrible state ?
I guess that it must have been something I ate,

However I swear to cut down on the booze.
Since  all things considered, there’s nothing to lose.
I shall start a new life, filled with health and vitality.
A model of temperance grace and morality.

I’ll climb on the wagon and there I shall stay,
And nothing and no one will lead me astray.
From now on I’ll stick with a nice herbal tea,
And if you believe that, you’re as dopey as me