Open Letter - Andy Proudfoot

Open Letter

This is to all of you

To the blonde twin sisters
Boarding the 9:15 to Waterloo
Last Thursday
Who smiled in unison
When I pretended I wasn't looking,

And to the Sisters of Mercy
Of the Holy Order
Of Our Lady of Redemption,
In Chiswick.

To the girl on page twelve
Of the Winter 2004 edition
Of Sainsbury's magazine,
Which I have kept
And framed,

And to the girl in the TV ad
For Stumpy's Cake Decoration Emporium,
Which I have recorded
And watch on 'Repeat'.

To the woman
In the 'Play With My Puppies' T-shirt
In Pets-R-Us
On Friday,

And to the woman
Behind the fruit and veg counter
Of Allsop's Family Grocer,
Who always wore her hair
In bunches.

To the lady in the business suit
On the bus to Wigan,
Who crossed her stockinged legs
37 times in 12 minutes,

And to the lady in the changing rooms
Of Lacey's Department Store,
Who, by an unfortunate coincidence of mirrors,
Caused such a stir
In the Men's Trouser Department.

To all of you,
And to countless others,
I am truly sorry.


Andy Proudfoot