Helena Nelson: The Poetry Publishing Carol

The Poetry Publishing Carol
(to be sung to the tune of & etc.)

The first time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Picador (Paterson, D.)

The second time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Carcanet
And Picador (Paterson, D.)

The third time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Enitharmon,
Then Carcanet
And Picador (Paterson, D).

The fourth time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Faber, yes (& Faber),
To Enitharmon,
Darker Carcanet
And to Picador (Paterson, D).

The fifth time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Peterloo,
Faber, yes (& Faber),
To Enitharmon
Why not Carcanet?
And to Picador (Paterson, D).

The sixth time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Anvil, oh and Bloodaxe,
View Peterloo,
Faber, yes (& Faber),
Too many of ’em,
Hark at Carcanet
And to Picador (Paterson, D).

The seventh time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Arrowhead and Shoestring
Anvil, oh and Bloodaxe,
Halloo Peterloo,
Faber, yes (& Faber),
Too bloody many,
Philip Larkinet
And to Picador (Paterson, D)  

The eighth time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Diehard and to Luath,
Arrowhead and Shoestring,
Anvil, oh and Mud-axe,
To you Peterloo,
Faber, yes (& Faber),
Too late to wonder,
Carka the Rotter
And to Picador (Paterson, D).

The ninth time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Nine Arches Press,
Diehard and to Luath,
Arrowhead and Shoestring,
Anvil, oh and Dud-axe,
Pee-ter-blue-chrome,
Faber, yes (& Faber),
Too rude to listen
Narky Carcanet
And to Picador (Paterson, D).

The tenth time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Cape and Smith Doorstop,
Nine Arches Press,
Diehard and to Luath,
Arrowhead and Shoestring,
Anvil, oh and Sod-axe,
Blue Peter Chrome,
Faber, yes (& Faber),
Too many stamps on,
A curse on Carcanet
And on Picador (Paterson, D).

The eleventh time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Flambard, Salt and Shearsman,
Cape and Smith Doorstop,
Nine Arches Press,
Diehard and to Luath,
Arrowhead and Shoestring,
Gotta pay the road tax—
Sue Peterblue!
Faber, yes (& Faber),
Cost is alarming
Barking up wrong tree
And to Picador (Paterson, D).

The twelfth time I tried it, I sent my poetry
To Cinnamon Drop Siren,
Salt and Pepper Shaman,
Stuff the Back Doorstep,
Nine Itches Press,
Diesoft and Loathing,
Barrowboy and Bootstring,
Battleaxe and Evil,
Lose Waterloo,
Sabre-wielding Faber,
Too bloody sleepy,
Get me on the net
With Dickador (Paterson, D).

The thirteenth time I tried it, I made my poetry
A self-publication.
Guess who
Is publishing
Me?