Frances Thompson: Bad Animal Verses



The cheetah would rather lie in the sun
than make that mad exhausting run
but it tones her muscles and keeps her sleek
and she only has to do it about once a week.

Hippos like to wallow en masse.
They sneak out at night to nibble grass.
I wonder what predators pray would prey
on such a sturdy beast by night or day?

The zebra is a man of stripes.
The zebra comes in different types –
there’s Plains and Mountains and Equus Greyvi.
I hope the third one doesn’t mean Zebra gravy.

The warthog is a humble soul
who lives, or ought to, in a hole.
The pig’s a sort of distant cousin
but it was bred and the warthog wasn’t.

The tallest animal is the giraffe
and if you were to draw a graph
the body-parts of beasts to check
you’d find it has the longest neck.

Ants are small and live in a colony.
They are as clever as Einstein or Ptolemy.
Their social behaviour is based on Marx
and they don’t fear anything except aardvarks.

Of all the creatures known to Science
the ones we like the best are lions.
This is because the males lie around and cuss –
and the girls do all the work, just like us!