Some papers bring reports of wars
And crimes and atom tests.
The Daily Star spreads better news:
Some girls have whopping breasts.
Some papers tell of Gordon Brown
And suchlike serious chaps,
The Star, though, thinks that we should know
Some girls have lovely baps.
A soldier who went to Iraq
Returns wrapped in a shroud,
But the Daily Star consoles us:
Some girls are well-endowed.
The pound is sinking like a stone,
Iran has plans to nuke us,
But the Star has the essential news:
Some girls have big bazookas.