Sara Impey : Letting It All Hang Out

(Newspapers reported recently that computer technology (CGI) will enable some TV puppets of the past to show emotions for the first time.)

No matter what plotlines the scriptwriters wrote
The puppets on TV could never emote.
Their features were fixed
And expressions unmixed,
Not a smile on the lips, not a lump in the throat.

Until CGI came, they all did their best,
But their innermost feelings could only be guessed.
Now cheered to the rafters
They're dreaming of BAFTAs,
And putting their thespian skills to the test.

Bagpuss embarked on a movie career -
His Bond has been wowed as the role of the year.
And an ensemble cast
Is selling out fast -
The Woodentops’ post-modern take on ‘King Lear.’

But some went too far and lost all inhibition -
The Thunderbirds brothers aborted each mission.
Scott took to clubbing,
While Virgil lay blubbing,
Confronting the angst of the human condition.

Brains often vanished on fortnightly benders,
John had a love-child and Gordon switched genders.
Parker went skiving
And got caught drink-driving,
So today Tracy Island resembles EastEnders.

Pinky and Perky, when asked to sing higher,
Had a spat with their agent, who had to retire.
It’s no longer arty
To sound like castrati,
And now they sing bass with a Welsh male voice choir.

For Sooty and Sweep it’s the end of the line,
All they could do was go limp and resign.
Confessing their shame
Their theatrical fame
Came from fingers thrust up where the sun doesn’t shine.

The Flowerpot Men took to drama with ease,
Preferring high culture to beans and to peas.
They quickly forsook
All that gobbledygook
And now they’re the readers on ‘Poetry Please.’

With this pool of new talent, there’s no turning back,
For today’s budding actors the outlook is black.
It’s going to be harder
To get into RADA
Since Muffin the Mule staged a panic attack.