To read the latest issue, click 'Issues by year' in the menu above

. . .  and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran
violently down a steep place into the sea, and
perished in the waters.              Matthew 8:32

NOTAP, The None Of The Above Party, wishes it
    to be clearly understood that, as they attempt to
    puncture our apathy like archers piercing
    St Sebastian’s oil-painted torso,
May’s two main contenders leave our gorges rising
    along with hot air over Parliament, only more so.
Whatever the waters they are determined to muddy,
One side remains grisly, and the other bloody.
Moreover, one of them now possesses a sort of
     grotesque echo-chamber or annex,
And here we are referring not to the bunch that
     was once upon a time headed by a leader with
     pipe-ash on his Gannex
But to that which has been pressured and pushed
     and politically barraged
And ultimately bewildered and befaraged.
Nor are most of us well qualified by geography
    for one of the gangs with nationalistic tinges
As we don’t live on the UK’s fringes.
Therefore, should we − with apologies if these
     manifesto-shaping musings are threatening
     to become  interminably loquacious −
Consider the doom-laden claims of those who
     strive for a world less carbonaceous,
Or turn what some commentators would call
     tactical or psephologically flibbertigibbety
And award our votes to the Bird of Liberty?
Unfortunately, this orange-yellow fowl has been
      flying in bad blue company, a state of affairs
     we deem toxic, even if constitutionally licit,
So, rather than present your face in a polling
     station, we urge you to turn right round and
     present something else, and they can all kiss it.