Emma Mascarenhas: Verses For The Honest Card Company

Happy Holidays.

Like all your other employees
I send a card to make
A dutiful attempt at festive greetings.
On happy holidays like these
We all enjoy a break
From watching you fart silently in meetings.


Heartfelt Xmas Wishes

Every year your glossy card arrives
Around the sixth or seventh of November,
With details of your high-achieving lives
And prizes won by every family member,
And jolly photos where you all appear
Each in a matching sparkly Santa hat.
You stand behind the children every year −
I'm hoping it's because you're getting fat.

Remembering You At  Xmas

We make a Christmas wish for all
Our friends both near and far,
And how I wish I could recall
Just who the hell you are.
I always send a Christmas card
And you send one to me,
And yet I find it really hard
To think who you might be.
Perhaps I used to work with you
A thousand years ago?
Whatever. I don't have a clue.
You probably don't know
Who I am. But we persevere
Through every festive season,
Exchanging love and joy and cheer
For no apparent reason.