Kim Bridgford: Fool's Gold

(On reading a faux internet story)

Atlanta Lottery Winner Dies
After Gold Plating His Testicles

“The human body is not made to
 handle being gold-plated,” said
 Dr. Rife. “I don’t care how much
 money you have.”

What do you do when a hundred million calls?
Go on vacation? Buy a house a two?
You want to be creative, use your balls.

There are those for whom this fantasy appalls.
They say you’re drunk, that you’ll never follow through.
What do you do when a hundred million calls?

You follow an impulse like Niagara Falls.
You do what people tell you not to do,
With an automotive plater. You have the balls.

You’ll do this thing to your own testicles.
It is the Midas touch without a clue.
What do you do when a hundred million calls?

You lose your mind. At first, the golden swells
Delight you: but it is passion, not I.Q.,
That forms the narrative of golden balls.

Oh sure, it seems apocryphal. Like golden bells,
They ring to caution things you should not do.
When destiny, with its golden finger, calls,
The answer, Watson? Don’t think with your balls.