Brian Allgar: The Yucketeer

Beware the smarmy Yucketeer,
Beware his oily greeting.
Remember that his mission here
Is lying, stealing, cheating.

He’s from a planet in the Lyre,
Though he will say ‘Orion’.
In every profitable fire
He has a crooked iron.

A master of the three-card trick,
A swindler without peer;
You will regret the day you met
The crafty Yucketeer.

He’ll stop to greet you in the street
And ask you how it goes.
Before he leaves, you’d better count
Your fingers and your toes.

Oh, he’s a sly one, he’s a con;
He’ll offer you a beer,
But when the bill arrives, he’s gone,
The cunning Yucketeer.

Although he claims he’s only come
To spend a brief vacation,
He’s really here to “disappear”
The treasures of the nation.

He’s twice as cool as any fridge;
He’ll pocket Brighton Pier,
St Paul’s Cathedral, London Bridge -
Beware the Yucketeer!