David Mitchell: How To Get Ahead In Business

In meetings half way up the chain,
When any kind of thought’s decreed,
Best not to ask them to explain −
Just nod, repeat, or say ‘Agreed!’

Toadying gets you far, it works.
Self-praising often does the same,
But if you want some better perks,
Then quickly learn to master blame.

Blame haunts the offices on high,
Where competence is often rare
And those at fault will first deny .
Then quickly pass the buck elsewhere.

Claim any triumph that you can,
No matter who deserves the praise,
While citing the strategic plan
And overwork for your delays.

Lax morals are another must,
No fear of karma, gods or Hell.
In short, if oily and unjust,
You'll probably do rather well.