D. A. Prince: A Martyr To The Kitchen

If you can de-stone any avocado
Without the need to visit A & E,
Or tear a chicken’s guts out with bravado
And joint a hare with equanimity;
If you can welcome Pancake Day as pleasure,
Not seeing it as one more flipping chore,
And know by instinct every weight and measure
Nor think de-seeding cucumbers a bore;

If you spend hours to cook what’s downed in minutes
And never ask for more than grunts as praise,
Each item in your fridge is well within its
Best Before date, and you craft mayonnaise;
If TV Bake Offs make you want to pitch in,
Pile cream on the meringues for all you’re worth,
Then you can stand the heat and find the kitchen
Nirvana, and the truest heaven on earth.