Andrew Button: A Shopper's Epitaph

6 children and 7 spouses,
8 cars and 17 houses.
3 dogs all fluffy and black,
4 cats that never came back.
12 kitchens and 54 renovations,
11 overdrafts and 22 explanations.
44 blazing rows that raged in the hall,
and 34 neighbours who heard them through the wall!
35 camping holidays and 200 foreign flights
with 15 lost cases and 25 roofless nights!
32 carefully chosen credit cards used till they broke,
and 4000 packets of nicotine that went up in smoke.
9 washing machines and 10 pair of wellies,
21 kettles and 23 tellies
5 furtive quickies in the garden shed,
but only 2 steamy sessions that broke the bed!
14 disastrous affairs and 23 get-out clauses,
19 cherished moments and 18 charitable causes.
85 years of plentiful pleasures and agonising strife
equals the sum total of 1 spent up life.