Susan Jarvis: Symptom Surfing

“After obsessively Googling symptoms for four
hours, I discovered 'obsessively Googling symptoms'
is a symptom of hypochondria.” ― Stephen Colbert

I tap into Google the ailments I’ve got;
Question The Quack will tell me what’s what.
But there in the uncaring glare of the screen
lurks an illness whose trademarks I wish I’d not seen!

I have goosebumpy skin and a bristling neck;
this fright of a site has left me a wreck!
I quiver and quake with unshakeable fear
of daisies pushed up by my body next year!

To think that a sniffle and trifling twinge
could unhinge a mind and then cruelly impinge
upon health with the stealth of sniper at war,
and the sweat of the threat of a rap on the door

from the Reaper himself looking gruesomely grim –
I’m in throes of wild woe at my web-surfing whim!
This dire diagnosis is not to my taste –
I’ll try Doc Round the Clock and Heal Me Posthaste.

I’ll scour the sites listed from A through to Z
till I find a prognosis of comfort to me,
as a motive for searching out ills when on-line
is the hope that the net will inform me I’m fine!