COMPETITION 45: Ruthless Rhymes For The Times

A fair number entered this beanfeast of black humour, your chance to gambol with your inner ghoul, but only relatively few achieved something near the right balance of the major and the minor, the horrific event and the heartless comment, or whatever it is that makes the Harry Graham formula work, Perhaps you’re mostly too nice and politically correct these days.

However, Tracy Davidson had the recently resigned Theresa May running through fields of wheat and falling foul of the farmer, so ‘Now, stuffed with straw, she scares the crows’.

Anyway, here, in no particular order, are those who won through, with commiserations to the near misses and thanks to all those who took part.

 

Melissa Balmain

Donnie, feeling incomplete,
Launched Armageddon with a tweet.
His wife exclaimed, “What’s wrong with you?
We had a date for golf at two.”

        ♦         ♦         ♦ 

Elizabeth Horrocks: Education.

While teaching history to Year Ten
Tom demonstrated with a Bren,
And answered the bewildered Head,
"Don't you prefer them when they're dead?"

       ♦         ♦         ♦ 

Robert Schechter

Little Willie, boy gourmet,
Ate mom’s stew and passed away.
Mom explained, “It’s not my fault.
Strychnine looks a lot like salt.”

       ♦         ♦         ♦ 

John Cooper: Fallen Idol

George sat in his bath
mulling over it all
pondering the magnitude of his fall.
In the end he decided
his best way out of the mire,
was simply to throw in the towel
and then his electric fire.

         ♦         ♦         ♦ 

Daniel Galef: Sweet Will Be the Flour

At the mill our Moll was crushed,
She fell between stones eight and nine.
To the hospital we rushed–
Now Moll is feeling very fine.

        ♦         ♦         ♦ 

Damian Balassone: Road Block

While walking home from work at night,
I came across a horrid sight:
a dead man in his birthday suit . . .
I think I'll take another route.

        ♦         ♦         ♦ 

I.V. Neversere: Toxic Titbit

An anti-Hunt activist sprayed
Foxy scent, so a false trail was laid
    But on his way back
    He encountered the pack . . .
Alas, now there’s the vet to be paid!

        ♦         ♦         ♦ 

Stuart Blair

Samantha thought that she deserved
her body cryogenically conserved.
We all agreed her final place
So fired her into outer space.

 

Floers in herbaceous border.