Julia Griffin: Foot Passenger

"Creepy men slide into women's DMs all the time . . ."

- Guardian opinion piece heading 2019

I’d started strolling down the street (I like to show I can)
When into my left boot there slid a small but creepy man.
I pulled him out, incurring streaks of what I hoped was phlegm,
And asked his reason. He replied: “Your boot is a DM!
I’m sorry if it bothers you, forgive the hint of slime,
But creepy men invade this kind of footwear all the time.
Consider the alternatives: pumps pinch us, sneakers smell,
Galoshes are galumphing, and high heels are simply hell.
And then there’s so much plastic now – it’s really hardly fair;
The fact we’re creepy doesn’t mean we have no need of air;
It’s surely not a lot to ask: we don’t require a sock;
We only want conveyance in a bona fide Doc …
Alas, I see I’m boring you! Dear madam, do not frown;
I promise I’ll shut up, if you will please now put me down.”