Michael Swan: Pet

He kept calling me ‘pet’.
‘Well done, pet.’
‘No, not like that, pet.’
‘Calm down, pet.’

I don’t like to use my powers
but enough is enough,
so I thought
let’s put his foot
where his mouth is.

I did cat for a bit,
clawed up the nice new sofa in his study.
Then various kinds of dog,
marking my territory
inside and out.
Guinea pig:
you can’t get the droppings out of the carpet.
Shetland pony was fun.
Nothing like a Shetland pony in the living room
for brightening things up.

I finished with parrot,
perched on the window sill
repeating to the whole street
what he said about Alice Williams.

He won’t call me ‘pet’ again.