William Greig: Valentine's Day Menu

We struggled with the wordy sheet;
what was ‘The Food of Love’ ?
(fresh oysters kissed with pink champagne
from seas in heaven above).

Perhaps I’d sample ‘Juliet’s Charms’ ?
(a melon’s broken heart)
or Robbie Burns’ ‘Red, Red Rose
might make a better start.

Or ‘Romeo’s Music laced with Passion’ ?
(a julienne chicken potion)
sounded so divine and sure
to put my ‘wheels in motion’.

Napoleon’s Fall with Josephine’,
Beef Wellington for two?
Here, memories of mad cow disease
Were hard to bid adieu.

Perhaps ‘Forget-me-not Wild Mushrooms’,
a country fungi dish?
It might make me hallucinate
so should I try the fish?

Would tartlet with champagne, ‘Affair
with Lady Chatterley’,
leave her just feeling cheap or be
considered flattery?

Our Valentine’s supper failed to please –
the service was too lax –
but, even so, they charged us for
Saint V’s own Added Tax.