INTERVAL THREE: Off The Peg

L. A. Mereoie: Foul Mouthful

‘Twelve decoy pigeons, . . . were
reported stolen yesterday from a hide.'
                 - Cambridge Evening News

As well as a change of employer
A chef is in need of a lawyer.
    He served restaurant guests
    Plastic woodpigeon breasts
Claiming “Not too unlike textured soya.”

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Paul Fraleigh: Parenting

“The giant-impact hypothesis . . .suggests
that the Moon formed out of the debris
left over from a collision between Earth
and an astronomical body the size of
Mars approximately 4.5 billion years ago . . .
Based on their similarity, one hypothesis
is that both [Martian] moons may be
captured main-belt asteroids.” Wikipedia

A wandering body struck our Earth,
And from the wreckage strewn,
Another body coalesced ‒
Earth’s offspring, and our Moon.

But planet Mars had no such luck,
So from the boundless voids
She took on two adopted moons −
A pair of asteroids.              

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Jerome Betts: Elverse

(On reading in consecutive editions
of a Gloucester newspaper a letter
attacking readers’ poems on Spring
and an article in praise of elvers.)

In elvertime at Glevum
    They ate them by the ell
And reams of vernal verses
    Out by the em would spell –
    But these went down less well.

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Robert West: Reflection

Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings,
and not one of them is forgotten before God?
But even the very hairs of your head are all
numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more
value than many sparrows. Luke: 12: 6-7

Treat every single person like a treasured child of God,
and soon you’ll find your siblings’ kindest word for you is “odd.”

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Max Gutmann: Stanza Instanter

‘If he ever uses the word "abruptly" again, I will kill him.’
                      -  Norman Di Giovanni in The New Yorker

The editor, once nice,
turned killer in a trice,
in anger laying waste
the careless scribe post-haste.
All slobs who write corruptly
should meet their ends, um, at extremely short notice.

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L. A. Mereoie: Star Bill

‘Agents required for woodpigeon’
                         - Advertisement

A ring-dove, a real ingénue,
Trod the boards once around Waterloo.
    She first made her mark
    In a play called The Ark
And was clapped for not missing a coo.

Woodpigeon