Derek Healy: Mouse In The Attic

Now here's a riddle fit to tease
All scientific chaps:
How can a mouse make off with cheese
Yet never spring the traps?

I've tried it out with Derby Sage,
With Emmental and Brie,
Bits of Cheddar white with age
And mouldy Dairylea,

With Livarot and Port Salut,
Some gooey Holey Cow,
Dried Parmesan on Danish Blue -
He scoffs the lot! But how?

His wife and all his whiskery brood
Weigh down the savage spring,
So he can seize the cheese unchewed
By deadly scaffolding?

Or does he send his babes alone,
Buoyed up by small balloons,
To float above the killing zone
With feathers for harpoons?

And as for poison, that's no use;
He gobbles down the bait -
It goads him on to reproduce
Rather than coagulate.

Whatever way, he's won the day,
He really has no cares−
A fortune's gone on Bel Paese
Just fattening up his heirs.

They’ll sire an even brainier breed,
And these one smarter still,
Until mankind concedes bent-kneed
Before the Rodent's will.

But till that baleful day comes round
I'll try not to despair -
I've spied some Cheshire on the ground,
Beneath a kitchen chair.

It’s curled up tight like a cheesy grin,
Just sat there on the mat.
"Be brave", it smiles," never give in:
Don't swallow Paraquat

Or top yourself with Warfarin -
You'll rout this pint-sized rat!
This is a battle man can win! -
Just buy yourself a cat!"