Michael Swan: Welcome To The Gallery Shop

Yes,
this is a Rembrandt pencil.
It carries Rembrandt's signature.

No,
it is not actually Rembrandt's pencil.

No.
Under the Trade Descriptions Act
I am obliged to inform you
that Rembrandt did not sign the pencil himself.
However
this is a faithful replica
of the artist's signature.

No,
I cannot confirm
that Rembrandt himself
authorised this reproduction.
However
it is unquestionably
a genuine Rembrandt pencil.

You can distinguish it
from a studio pencil
or an outright forgery
by its provenance:
only authenticated Rembrandt pencils
are sold in the Gallery Shop.

No.
Under the Trade Descriptions Act
I am obliged to inform you
that the pencil will not enable you
to draw like Rembrandt.

No,
Rembrandt does not receive a royalty
on the sale of the pencils.

Perhaps you would prefer a Van Gogh T-shirt?

No.
Under the Trade Descriptions Act . . .