Melissa Balmain: Reboots


Not So Snow White

Things started so well: found a chick in a box,
got her out, and days later, we wed –
such a snap because, speaking of life’s pleasant shocks,
my stepmom-in-law turned up dead.

Home that night, after finally fooling around
(happy endings for both!), I sighed, “Heaven.”
But my wife simply stared at the ceiling and frowned:
“Is that it? I’m accustomed to seven.”

Meanwhile, in Louisiana

So, you’re saying this frog I brought home
is a prince in disguise named Guillaume?
How I wish I’d known earlier – I
would’ve never tried licking the guy
to get high, and I . . . wait: you’re mistaken.
No prince tastes this good wrapped in bacon.


Jack Admits There Was No Beanstalk

To sabotage giants, to truly defeat them,
don’t waste your time planting some magic legumes –
just stir them (like I did) with salsa and eat them,
then jet through the sky on the power of fumes.

Cat Tale

How I wish that my storied pursuits
were all true – that I’d worn fancy boots
and accomplished a marvelous deed in them!
But I have to admit, I just peed in them.

Pussin Boots on children's game card