Melissa Balmain: Reboots


Not So Snow White

Things started so well: found a chick in a box,
got her out, and days later, we wed –
such a snap because, speaking of life’s pleasant shocks,
my stepmom-in-law turned up dead.

Home that night, after finally fooling around
(happy endings for both!), I sighed, “Heaven.”
But my wife simply stared at the ceiling and frowned:
“Is that it? I’m accustomed to seven.”

Meanwhile, in Louisiana

So, you’re saying this frog I brought home
is a prince in disguise named Guillaume?
How I wish I had known before I
licked his torso, in vain, to get high,
or before . . . never mind. You’re mistaken.
No prince tastes this good wrapped in bacon.


Jack Admits There Was No Beanstalk

To sabotage giants, to truly defeat them,
don’t waste your time planting some magic legumes –
just stir them (like I did) with salsa and eat them,
then jet through the sky on the power of fumes.

Cat Tale

How I wish that my storied pursuits
were all true – that I’d worn fancy boots
and accomplished a marvelous deed in them!
But I have to admit, I just peed in them.

Pussin Boots on children's game card