Bruce McGuffin: Avocados

Domesticated centuries ago
On highland farms of ancient Mexico,
It's known by many names, found everywhere,
The avo, palta, alligator pear.
Much more than food it plays a useful part
In ancient legends, culture, even art.
A fruit deserving closer study, and which
Improves the taste of almost any sandwich.

There was a time when every toaster sold
Was avocado, white, or harvest gold.
Though looking back now many of us feel
That toasters really should be stainless steel.
But will our children's children look and laugh?
Exclaim that stainless toasters are a gaffe?
Then say at least their great-gands got it right
To make them avocado, gold, or white.

Some right-wing politicians think it's funny
To claim that kids today blow all their money
By dining out on avocado toast.
A dish they've never eaten, so they boast.
And if kids just ate gruel or gnawed on bones
Those leeches could repay their student loans.

Fruit trees grow fruit to transport progeny
Where they can grow far from the parent tree.
For avocado trees to meet that goal
Some creature must eat avocados whole.
What kind of beast would eat that giant drupe*
And spread seeds far and wide in piles of poop?
New theories are emerging built upon
The size and diet of the mastodon.
Now every time I eat an avocado,
I do it with a mastodon's bravado.

*Botanical opinion tends to vary,
The avocado: drupe or giant berry?