Philip Dunkerley: Warning to HRH Peppa Pig

Here’s a warning, Peppa Pig,
against all aspiration.
Pigs might fly, but never do,
don’t get above your station.

It’s enough that you wear clothes,
and speak in English too.
You teach small children lovingly,
that’s good and I salute you.

But now, on all the merchandise
and – goodness gracious me –
even kiddies’ toilet seats
I’m seeing Princess P!

A Princess sits with Quality –
that’s Class by any measure.
But social climbing’s dangerous, Peppa,
muck gives piggies pleasure.

In Saxon times all well-bred pigs
foraged under English oaks
for acorns, known as pig-bread then
(I like a-corny jokes).

But when the Normans took the pig
from forage to knife and fork,
it certainly was Quality–
but now they called it pork!

I'd like to save your bacon, Peppa,
heed my admonition.
Refrain from social climbing and
accept a pig’s position.