(Real newspaper headlines in italics)
Marijuana Issue Sent To A Joint Committee.
So, the session will end, no doubt, on a high.
Breathing Oxygen Linked To Staying Alive.
Well, that’s a relief. So, the end is not nigh.
Homicide Victims Rarely Talk To Police.
At times it’s better to button your lip.
‘We Hate Math’, Say 4 In 10 – The Majority Of Americans.
It seems that when adding there’s many a slip.
A Nuclear Explosion Would Be A Disaster.
Mostly for those near the mushroom cloud.
World Bank Says Poor Need More Money.
Crowdfunding them should make us proud.
One-armed Man Applauds The Kindness Of Strangers.
Was he clapping his hand against his chest?
Tiger Woods plays with own balls, Nike says.
Presumably after all these years, he knows best.
Students Cook And Serve Grandparents.
They borrowed a recipe from Hannibal Lecter.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge.
I wonder how that got past the inspector.
Journalists Say Voters Hold Key To November Elections.
Not in the America of Elon Musk.
Muggers Beat Man With Empty Wallet.
It’s dangerous to wander the streets after dusk.
Miracle Cure Kills Fifth Patient.
In that case I’ll hang on to my disease.
Study Shows Frequent Sex Enhances Pregnancy Chances.
If I’ve got the energy, it sounds a good wheeze