Martin Parker: Not A Drop Too Much
Bungeely-plungily
Bucket list thrill seekers
Dive towards the ground
From sickening heights
Scorning the risks of the
Wholly discouraging,
Hyper-unthinkable
‘Maybes’ and ‘mights’.
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L.A. Mereoie: In The Bad New Summertime
Should it be fine, then drought kicks in
To tan the countryside’s green skin
And bring the reign of watering-cans
Or heathland fires and hosepipe bans.
Should it be foul, then sewage pours
In stinking streams past gates and doors
And though at last the stuff retreats
Leaves toxic mud to coat the streets.
Where is the former golden mean,
Not fire and flood, but in between?
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Steven Kent: Old and New Dreams
Bald heads forgetful of their sins,
Old, learned, respectable bald heads
Edit and annotate the lines
That young men, tossing on their beds,
Rhymed out in love's despair
To flatter beauty's ignorant ear.
(W. B. Yeats, "The Scholars")
That bald head life is one, in youth, I wanted:
To flaunt my erudition, prove I knew
Great authors and their work which time has vaunted
Ad infinitum, not in apercu.
I longed to be a legendary scholar,
But fate had other plans, and time was tight.
Today I'm old and couldn't wear that collar,
So let me live like Yeats' young men and write.
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Eleanor Jane Turner: Turner’s Doubtascope™
(The World’s First Invasive Lie Detector)
One can always determine
honesty levels
by rigorous examination
with a doubtascope.
Slip it into the verity canal,
careful, use lubricant,
inflate, out they come,
the whole pack of lies.
Disclaimer: Results may vary. Not responsible for truths extracted without consent.
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Henry Stimpson: Westerns Explained in 66 Words
Well, the bad guys always get shot,
but the tall hero is not.
The bad guys just choose to be bad
Can’t blame their mom or their dad!
The good guys are truly good,
though sometimes they seem made of wood,
while the barmaid has a heart that’s gold.
These stories will never grow old:
cowardice, courage, greed and lust,
plus pistols and horses and dust.
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Susan Mclean: Hands-On
"I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action."
– Mae West
I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action.
What comes to those who wait? I wouldn’t know.
Resistance is the opposite of attraction.
I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action.
If you ask me, the key to satisfaction
is seeing how much further you can go.
I’m a woman of very few words, but lots of action.
What comes to those who wait? I wouldn’t know.
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E. J. Hutchinson: Alliteration
Alliteration: lexeme-link
Through likened lip position. Think
Of Mr. Piper picking pecks
Of pickled peppers. Yes, its effects
Can be striking when done well.
Take Sally’s seashore shells to sell –
When once you’ve heard this nursery rhyme,
The sounds stick with you for all time.
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Martin Parker: National Incontinence Day
Incontinents of Britain should unite
And march to claim our basic human right
To free expression of our pent-up plight
Discreetly, en plein air, by day or night.
So, join our cross-legged March to Downing Street
Where, to make our National Day complete
I would suggest there could be nothing sweeter
Than handing in petitions by the litre.
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Jerome Betts: La Vache Qui Gratte
(For B. L. P.)
“A pet brown Swiss cow named Veronika
has learned to use tools such as a deck brush
to scratch parts of her body that she can’t
otherwise reach.” – Science News
La Vache Qui Rit – The Laughing Cow –
Is cheese spread’s famed attention-catcher
But has a bovine rival now,
A Swiss pet who’s a peerless scratcher.
Brush-bristles on her tough old hide,
Smooth handle where they’d be a no-go!
How long till she too stars world-wide
Displayed on grooming aids à gogo?
