There was a large and lively response to the chance to exploit a new verse domain in the shape of fridge magnets with the majority of the entries reflecting the reeking perils of neglected and misunderstood appliances or providing practical advice about how to treat them and their contents. The scary interior of Steven Kent's refrigerator appeared to be culturing penicillin, while Esat Alpay's suggested consoling if pound-piling desserts for various darker moments of life. With thanks to all those who took part, below, in no particular order, are the results of the March competition,
Martin Parker: Cautionary Couplets
What has thawed to mush may fill you,
But it might well kill you.
Death from e coli
Is no lie.
Beware gluey slurry
That was once curry.
The hand of death lingers
In old fish fingers.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
Margaret Ruckert: Hand-shaped Fridge Magnet
Get your paw off my door.
Grab a think before you drink.
Excess hot air upsets my care.
I’ll overheat and bleet bleet bleet.
Decide on what you need – the lot.
Then open, shut! Is that clear-cut?
Ingest less fuel to keep you cool.
Mind over matter helps the chatter.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
D. A. Prince: Refrigerator Rhyme
I’m the Tempter.
You’re my prey.
I’ve got ice-cream.
What d’you say?
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
Philip Kitcher: At The Portal Of Foody Hell
Within lie foods you long ago had chosen
for later eating. Mushily unfrozen,
these once delicious dishes must await
full putrefaction as their soggy fate.
Because your culinary loves prove fickle,
they’re marinating to a pungent pickle.
The price of infidelity is clear –
Abandon hope, all ye who forage here!
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
Michael Swan: Refrigerator Rhyme
Do not despair, all ye who enter here.
There’s certain to be something that will do
when your watch says it’s time to feed yourself.
Some chocolate cake? Left-over barbecue?
A pot of coleslaw? Maybe a can of beer?
Just check the eat-by date’s this current year.
And listen: don’t explore the bottom shelf.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
John S. Eustis: Fridge Magnet Poem
In case the electricity goes out
Leave this door closed. It’s really all about
Containing the cold within, so without
Any new openings, yesterday’s trout
Will stay fresh for a while. Don’t be a lout
And ruin all the food inside. No doubt
You will be tempted. Do I have to shout?
While power’s gone, KEEP THIS DOOR SHUT throughout.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
Marshall Begel: More or Less
When milk tastes warm and last night's bowls
emit a smell that's vile,
I rummage for the fridge controls
to turn the little dial
for colder air, or more degrees –
I never quite remember
if 'up' means melted cheddar cheese
or frozen as December.
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
Gwen Owen: Refrigerator Rhyme
I saw this on holiday and thought of you
I know that you already have a few
Magnets on your fridge door
But surely there's room for one more
What's that? You'd prefer some toffee to chew
Or a bar of posh soap to put in your loo
Anything but another one of these.
No more magnets . . . please, please, PLEASE!
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
Alan Millichip: Beware
Please read what it says on the tin
Before you put anything in.
When food’s going off
It’s too late to scoff –
If in doubt, bung it straight in the bin
♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣ ♣
L. A. Mereoie: Residence Repurposed
Once, stately home, for knights and peers,
Then hospital for many years
And now, hotel, preserved by Warner,
As well as dinky fridge-adorner.
