My x-ray vision isn't what it used to be;
I don't punch villains’ lights out anymore.
And, as for flying, I've had to give up trying –
I'm lucky to get one foot off the floor.
I've recently been diagnosed with vertigo –
I'm on these tablets: two, three times a day;
That exclamation Up, up and away! I know
Is something, sadly, I'll no longer say.
It took me seconds getting into character;
The speed of change would make bystanders gape.
Now, I very often put my pants on backwards,
And I struggle with the fastening on my cape.
When people in the street cry ‘That’s incredible!’
They’re not exactly thinking of The Hulk;
My figure-hugging costume is misshapen now –
The thermal underwear has added bulk.
I once ran up the outside of tall buildings;
I was lucky to be granted such a gift.
Now my legs turn into jelly and I’m breathless
Going only one or two floors in the lift!
I was a regular in weekly action comics;
There was a tight-knit little band of us.
But one by one we’ve each become redundant –
So it’s superhero to superfluous!